In this strange change-of-jobs time, I find myself sort of wandering around my world bumping into boredom, anxiety, and ennui.* Every so often I feel a wave of gratitude that I can take a 3-hour nap in the afternoon or learn to throw pots with a new friend at her studio in the next county. (Take heart, I’m not enjoying this too much – that wave of gratitude is rinsed away by a barrage of guilt that I’m not contributing to my household.)
One of the activities occupying my time is networking events. I’ve found a group I like and I’ve been visiting them, learning a lot. Like, I know nothing about business. NOTH. ING. My business plan has been…pass out business cards and do my “real” job until someone calls me for a writing job. I’m also woefully unskilled at sales. You have to be good at sales at least a little bit to sell your small business. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about my VAST WRITING TALENT! and how I can MAKE YOUR BUSINESS BETTER!!! And I do this graphic recording thing which is dang hard to explain in a way that makes people want to pay me to do it.
In an effort to educate myself, I’ve been schooling with all the resources I can find for free – books, videos, podcasts. Stuff on how to market yourself, how to be a better sales person. I read everything networking contacts suggest if I can get it from the library. I go to any free or cheap meetings I can get to.
And I don’t know what I don’t know so I just kind of bumble around so far. A sales coach I met with offered to teach me a system for business but it was going to cost me $400 a month. I’ve no doubt in this coach’s ability but I have doubts in my ability to pay my utilities without that $400 so it’s an unkind paradox.
I haven’t had any interviews for regular jobs. My first thought is, “This is God The Universe and Everything telling me to go, be a writer and graphic facilitator,” but if this is what that is going to be like, no thanks, it sucks.
I also get overwhelmed with there being so many OPTIONS for my time. With wide open days, nothing MUST get done today or it won’t get done ever. I could do any of a zillion things and sometimes I just go take a nap instead. Thank goodness I’m not an emotional eater because if I were, I think I’d be a candidate for some TLC show at this point.
*Ever since Gorey’s Neville died of ennui I have loved that word.