Crazy like a JobFox

After a long dry spell with nary a JobFox email in sight, I thought they might’ve cut their losses and moved on. 

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE. 

I have here TWO emails from none other that the BIG CHEESE himself, founder and CEO of JobFox, Rob McGovern. Move over Madeline! There’s a new sherriff in town. 

             Sara,
               I’m the founder of Jobfox, and I’d like to give you an entirely new way to outsmart the job market. We’ve been developing this new product for nine months, to help good people get hired,                despite the economy. Break Through normally costs $30, but you can use it for only one penny. FYI, the candidates who have tested Break Through give it rave reviews. 

No actual data on how many people have found jobs through JobFux. No actual reviews. So I guess I’ll take your word for it, Rob. Carry on.
Break Through will be available on June 11th. The innovative new tools in Break Through will transform your job search, giving you far more opportunities than simply searching for jobs. All you have to do is click here, make your one-cent payment, and you’ll be reminded to use the service on June 11th.  

 

It sounds so easy, Rob. I can’t see how this could be anything but AWESOME. 

Why Break Through? Only 13% of jobs get filled through online job listings. Break Through will help you get hired the way the other 87% of jobs get filled. Best of all, it will only cost you one penny. 
AMAZING. TELL ME MORE. 

Here’s what you will get:

  • An Easy Way to Network with companies: You know you should network, but that’s not easy. Here is a comprehensive system to use Facebook and Linkedin to network with employers.
  • This information is available to me from the Internets for free…I know you’re just charging me a penny but still…you’ll have all my INFO and you’ll SPAM me if I do that. I already use LinkedIn, Twitter, and my website to connect with employers.

     
     

  • The Best Jobs for You: See where you’re highly rated at 5,000 companies. Receive feedback about the employers who are interested in you.
  • What does “highly rated” mean, Rob? Rated by whom and for what? And how much are you charging those “employers” to phish look at my resume?

     
     

  • Impress Employers on the Web: Impress employers by easily building an About Me page. It’s a creative way to demonstrate your skills, experiences, and strengths. 79% of companies check out candidates on the Web before scheduling an interview!
  •  I already have a web site…and I pay for that one…. 

  • Be Smarter than the Competition: receive weekly job search advice by the Internet’s most experienced job search expert.
  • Smarter than the competition? Your competition doesn’t send me ridiculous emails promising ridiculous things and asking for ridiculous amounts of money. Seriously? 

    Click here to get started.

    This one-penny offer expires on June 10, 2010.
    Best regards,Rob McGovern
    Founder and CEO, Jobfox
    Founder and former CEO, CareerBuilder
    Author: Bring Your A-Game: The Ten Secrets of the High Achiever
     
     
    What if I post this and send the link to Rob? Do you think he’ll visit?
     
    Rob, if you’re here, please find my other JobFox posts. For the record, I found a job. And I found a job without your site. Your site did not help me even a little bit.
     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    Oh Frabjous Day!

    I admit this is a little late, and both of my Loyal Readers will be so late to the party, but…

    JOB HUNT 2010 IS OVER!! 

    I’m not naming names, but I’ll be doing cool creative things with a locally headquartered education nonprofit.  STFU JOBFOX!! (More on them later – they’ve resumed sending me emails which means I am resuming mockery forthwith.)

    While I am earning a teeeensy bit less than before (and still thousands less than the Joneses up with whom I will never be able to keep), I’m willing to sacrifice that for less stress! More productivity! Doing something for a nonprofit! Working under a boss I LIKE! I have my own office with a DOOR and a LAMP. I can look at my gmail email at work!

    Plus, while on hiatus I FINISHED ANOTHER NOVEL, people. And I like it a lot more than the last one. In a few weeks, I’ll need beta readers! And advice on finding publishers and agents and whatnots.

    With that announcement, I’m back on the blogwagon so please come back and read me some time. I do enjoy our little visits.

    ps – I like frogs and this one just seemed to capture the moment so perfectly. I hope you don’t have a dentalphobia…

    Madeline Willis: Stalker of the Jobless

    Another email came today from Jobfox’s Senior Resume Consultant, Madeline Willis. I get it – Jobfox is a rip off. So I’m entertaining myself by posting her emails and my responses here. Today, I actually replied to her (it?). See Madeline’s email and then my response below.

    Dear Sara:

    I’m writing to follow up on the suggestions I sent to make your resume more powerful. I believe we can make your resume more attractive to employers and help you get more interviews to dramatically speed your job search.

    In this job market a professionally-written resume has become a necessity. Smart job seekers are using professional resumes to stand out. Companies are receiving hundreds of resumes per job, and job seekers need to present a near-perfect image to get their attention. A professional resume sends a signal that you’re more professional and committed to doing things well.

    You can still save $100 on your new resume and pay $299 or just $53.28 over 6 months with your credit card if you purchase within the next 3 days. A professionally-written and formatted resume can shorten your job search, paying for itself. Your satisfaction is guaranteed.

    Click here to learn more, or call or email me with any questions. We’re committed to helping people get hired, and I’m here to assist with your resume.

    Regards,

    Madeline Willis
    Senior Resume Consultant
    1-877-851-4283
    madeline_w@jobfox.com
    Monday – Friday: 9:00am – 7:00pm ET
    Saturday – Sunday: 9:00am – 7:00pm ET

    My response:

    Dear Madeline,

    This is the third email I’ve received from you. I signed up on Jobfox to find a job and I’m starting to think Jobfox doesn’t really want me to FIND a job, they just want me to PAY to have my resume “fixed.”

    Now how much sense does this all make? I’ve just lost my job. NO job. Which means NO money. So how am I supposed to justify $300-$400 to spruce up my resume when I could be paying my electric bill AND my grocery bill for the next month? Perhaps you could get the employers to pay you to find quality candidates.

    I don’t know if you’re a real person, Madeline, but I’m really getting the feeling that Jobfox is a big ol scam. If you’re really committed to helping me find a job, maybe you should send me jobs to which I may apply. It took me a solid two hours to get my stuff uploaded into Jobfox and fill in all the little “mini-interview” questions (Really? You’re calling it a mini-interview?) to find no matched jobs.

    I want a job search engine that will point me to real jobs – not ads or scams or shady-sounding “work at home” junk. I don’t want to pay hundreds for ANYTHING. The first rule of job hunting? You do not pay to hunt for a job.

    Sincerely,

    Sara Thompson


    Oooo I think she likes me…

    This JUST IN from my friend Madeline who clearly has my checkbook best interests at heart as she continues to stalk me via email:

    Dear Sara:

    I’d like to assist you with your job search by making sure you get selected for interviews. While the job market is challenging, we’re succeeding at getting Jobfox members more interviews and job offers.

    In most cases your resume is the only way of evaluating you, and companies are receiving hundreds of resumes per job opening. There’s no dispute: higher quality resumes get selected more often. Many people short change the resume step, and they aren’t getting interviews.

    Jobfox improves more resumes than any other service. We can make you a stronger and better presented candidate, which will help you compete in this job market. It will speed your job search by weeks or months. Without question, the payback is impressive.

    You have just 5 more days to save 25% when you order a professionally-written and formatted resume. With our flexible payment plan, pay just $53.28 a month over 6 months with your credit card. You can also make a one time payment of $299. Your satisfaction is guaranteed.

    I’m here to help with your resume. Call me or send me an email with any questions.

    Sincerely,

    Madeline Willis
    Senior Resume Consultant
    1-877-456-2369
    Monday – Friday 9:00am – 6:00pm ET
    Saturday 9:30am – 1:30pm ET

    Thanks, Jobfox…The Writing Spider Hates You Now

    Dear Jobfox’s Resume Critiquer Madeline Willis,

    You know I just lost my job right? And that’s why I searched for new jobs on your website. Mind you, it took me a good two hours to get through uploading my resume and filling out a couple of stupid questionnaires before I could actually LOOK for anything.

    Seriously?

    Can you make it more difficult to find jobs on Jobfox? Because I got nothing but time, sister. Time to fiddle around on your overly-elaborate site.   Jobfox asks you to “register” on their site which includes uploading a resume and filling out questions about your work history and it takes EONS. It is NOT USER FRIENDLY.

    So once I did finally get all my little ducks in a row, I didn’t actually find any jobs worth applying for.

    Believe me, Madeline, I’m a pro at search words for jobs.

    Can you imagine my feeling upon waking this morning to find an email from you, Madeline Willis Candidate Service Consultant, detailing in 1,900 words (I counted) exactly how crappy and horrible my resume is? Madeline! I submitted my resume around 3 pm yesterday, EST, and according to the time stamp on the email you replied by 1:53 AM. You must have stayed up all night combing my resume and writing nearly two thousand words about it!

    Bless your little heart.

    However, Madeline, turnabout is fair play and I’ve provided a resume critique critique for you here so you can indeed become a better resume critiquer. Best of all, I’m not charging you FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS to do it. I’m doing it FOR FREE. How’s that for customer service?

    (*Author’s note: I am listening to Pandora now, on my Baroque Chamber music station {don’t hate} and you know what’s on? Beethoven’s FIFTH. HOW APPROPRIATE.)

    Madeline, I think you’re sabotaging your message here by saying things like:  ” I didn’t find [your resume] to be exciting, and it didn’t make me want to run to the phone to call you. In short, your resume is effectively sabotaging your job search.” Sabotage? Is that really a good word to choose? I suggest investing in a thesaurus to help you find more appropriate words. Frankly, I’m glad you don’t want to call me. You’re a robot.

    Now, this was really hurtful.   “I’m concerned that your resume is selling you like a generic, and that it’s not likely to get picked among those of other candidates. The ideal resume design is airy, clean, and uncluttered, with the effective and strategic use of white space.”

    White space?

    Madeline, I really believe

    that this email letter I got

    was a generic auto-response generated from Jobfox to make me feel bad enough to pay you to “fix” my resume.

    I

    think

    Jobfox

    PREYS on people who’ve just lost their jobs.

    Moving on.

    “From the way the resume is worded, you come across as a “doer” not an “achiever.”” Thou dost wound me, lady! As a card-carrying member of the Overachiever’s Club of America, I don’t see how you came to this conclusion. Perhaps I should fax you copies of my middle school report cards? I reviewed my resume after reading your letter and truly – it’s CRAMMED full of ACTION VERBS, RESULTS, and OTHER FANTASTIC STUFF. Here are some verbs I used: planned, facilitated, organized, supported, wrote, edited, proofread. Those are verbs, Maddie.

    But I guess since you’re probably an autobot….NAY a DECEPTICON…you can’t really read.

    Here’s where we come to the crux of your letter. See how she repeatedly uses my name to show that it’s a Personalized Letter to Me?

    Sara, it was difficult for me to evaluate your resume because there was so little information and this is a big problem. You would really benefit from working with one of our writers. They have a way of helping you articulate your strengths and identify accomplishments that will transform your resume into an impressive document. My clients tell me the process also helps to prepare them for interviews.

    I would REALLY benefit huh…? Tell me more!

    To encourage you to make the investment now, we are offering our best price on our resume writing services in the first 5 days after you view your resume evaluation. Save $100 off our price of $399, a 25% discount. In addition, we are the only resume service that offers the option to pay for your resume in installments. We spread the cost over six months to make our service affordable for everyone.

    If you purchase in the next 5 days, you have the option to make a one-time payment of $299 (a $100 savings), or six monthly payments of $53.29 (a $100 savings). Either way, you will still have your new documents back in 4-5 business days so you can improve your chances of getting hired quickly.

    Egads a discount! What would I do without that discount? The ONLY service to offer payment in INSTALLMENTS? So you’re like the QVC of resume rewriters!?

    I felt badly about my resume after I read this letter. Well…until I realized it was a cleverly disguised marketing ploy designed to prey on the panicked job seeker who wandered into the Jobfox’s den…

    In short, Madeline, and Jobfox – shame on you.

    In conclusion, I feel my time at Jobfox has been wasted. I feel manipulated. I’m also sorry for the unwitting who pay you money to do anything.

    Best regards,

    The Writing Spider

    PS – How’s that for a generic no-talent self-sabotaging copywriter?