I got laid off yesterday.
Thank God I wasn’t wearing my pajamas.
I went to work in my jammies yesterday – purple flannel with colorful owls on them, plus my hair in pigtails and toting a stuffed frog. It was Halloween, we were encouraged to wear a costume. I went as a slumber party-goer. I thought, “Who DOESN’T want to go to work on Monday in her pajamblies?” Of course, there were only a handful who dressed up in the company and only two in my department – let’s face it, I can’t compete with a woman dressed as a whoopie cushion. So when I went home I changed into jeans and a shirt.
At three o’clock The Boss called me in and when he sat down, I let loose. I knew what was coming.
“You have GOT to be kidding me.”
Silence. Stunned. He and the HR woman shook their heads.
It’s not my first time at the rodeo, kids. When you get called in by your boss and the HR representative is there and she has a plain manila folder with a sheet or two of paper in it, mark my words: NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT.
They said they were sorry.
I glared at The Boss. “I told you, this is exactly what I didn’t want to have happen when I came here.”
He said, “I know.”
“I cannot believe this. I cannot believe this. You have got to be kidding me.”
<blah blah about the company making tough decisions, didn’t know this when they hired me fourth months ago, etc ad nauseum>
Finally I got up, got my stuff together, bid bon voyage to the co-workers and – ONCE AGAIN – set sail for the murky waters of unemployment. First port of call? Panictown.
I went home, posted on Facebook, and sat down with a Large Wine to watch Jerseyliscious until Husband arrived home. He’s good about assuaging the panic. Six hours later, around 2 am, I got up because it really started to hit me then.
Once again, I’m cast adrift from the safe anchor of a paycheck and health insurance.
Once again, we have to postpone starting a family because I can’t justify a baby without a steady paycheck and health insurance. And I’m no spring chicken so I might not get a chance at all.
Once again, I feel so much angry!! At the ex-friend who could’ve eased this panic, had she helped Husband two years ago into a better paying and more stable job instead of stabbing him in the back; and serious resentment toward my in-laws who could easily afford to HELP – to help with bills, to help Husband finish his nursing education sooner rather than later, instead of having to wait for classes to open up at the community college where he goes, anything, instead of asking why we can’t get our shit together.
Once again, I’m looking at long days of doing nothing, of feeling restless, of the company only from the anxiety of the situation.
And once again, I feel pathetic. Thirty-five years old and haven’t had a job for more than three years since 2003. I might miss my chance to have a family because my job situation has been so unstable. Husband is in nursing school, and sure, he’ll eventually finish and get a job but how long with that be from now? Classes are full at the community college, we can’t really afford the larger university or the private schools.
I usually am one to believe in signs from God, the Universe and Everything, but I just don’t know what the hell it’s trying to tell me.