The Most Epic Slumber Party Ever Had

For a long time, I have used the slumber party as my standard of friendship, either offered or imagined. It likely stems from attending many slumber parties as a kid.

When I was growing up, it was typical for girls to have sleep-overs for their birthdays. There was usually pizza and cokes involved. By junior high, there was also an element of pranking – if you fell asleep first, you’d find your bra in the freezer. Once we poured water in this girl’s ear and she didn’t even wake up. I don’t know if she wondered how she got swimmers ear or not…

I went to a small private school and everybody was pretty much invited to everything. That’s how we rolled. You didn’t exclude even the weird kids or the shy ones or whoever – you either invited all the girls or you just had your one best friend. That was ok, too.

I saw my first R-rated movie at a slumber party. Her mom rented us two videos (this was back when people were just getting home VHS-tape players and you had to go to these special libraries full of movies that you would rent, watch, rewind, and return. It was crazy, y’all.): My Side of the Mountain and Chariots of Fire. If you haven’t seen these fine, fine pieces of cinema…well, you’re not missing much if you are an eleven-year-old girl in the mid-1980s. After her mom went to bed, we found a copy of Beverly Hills Cop in the back of the entertainment center and let’s just say that the strip club scene was enlightening.

I wasn’t a great slumber party participant, to be blunt. I have never enjoyed staying up late and I get cranky when I do but I never wanted a frozen brassiere so I fought sleep until someone else caved then I would crawl under the pool table with my sleeping bag and pass out. I was entirely too awkward to call boys and ask them who they liked.

But by high school, I had a lot of friends and we had some kick-ass slumber parties. I’ve been to and hosted my fair share of such events, plus I have read about them, being the bookworm that I am.

Over the last few years I have begun composing a guest list of the Most Epic Slumber Party Ever Had. Besides my friends (obvs) the list includes a bunch of celebrities who I just KNOW would come to this party and we would be besties, if the situation was different and I was also a celebrity as well.

I don’t remember who the first one on the list was, but I know who the first person who would NOT NOT NOT be invited. Old goopy herself. I actually like Gwenyth Paltrow movies, but in interviews and stories she strikes me as really snobby and I don’t think we would be best friends at all. Not even a little. I think I would just feel inferior all the time with her.

Others on the list:

Emily Blunt: I like her sense of humor and I think she’d be really good at Charades, which we would play at my slumber party.

Ann Curry: Man, we would prank call the HELL out of Matt Lauer. “Is your refrigerator running? It is? Well you ARE AN ASSHAT! HAAAA!”

The Jennifers:

Jennifer Lawrence: Because duh. Also, she’s from Louisville so she’s definitely cool. She’d probably do anything in Truth or Dare, too.

Jennifer Garner: She’d be the one everyone would talk to about their relationship problems and she would nod sympathetically and braid their hair.

The Emmas:

Emma Thompson: Again, awesome at Charades and maybe we could prank call Hugh Grant and make Emma talk like Queen Elizabeth.

Emma Watson: I won’t even ask her about Harry Potter.

The newest addition to the list is Mira Sorvino. I have always liked her movies (Mighty Aphrodite was awesome, despite the Woody Allen thing, and Romy & Michelle!!), but I heard an interview with her on the Nerdist. I think we would be friends. Even though she is vastly smarter than I am, she is a normal and very interesting person. And she likes Star Trek so, check mark right there.

I tweeted about adding Ms. Sorvino to this list and you know what? SHE FAVORITED MY TWEET. That is the second time a Famous Person has acknowledged my tweets. The first time was when Susan Orlean (whose work I also enjoy) liked then RETWEETED a tweet of mine. I’m @thwritingspider, by the way.

I don’t know if you know this but…I am kind of a big deal.


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