THUG LIFE IS GONE!
Yes, Dear Readers, Thug Life, bane of my existence, scourge of Shadowood, King of the Asshats…is in jail!
Let me ‘splain.
No, there is too much. Let me sum up.
Thug Life’s real name is Gage. (Nope, not making that up.) Gage has been arrested and imprisoned on two counts of possession of a weapon by a felon, two counts of animal cruelty for inhabitable living conditions for their two dogs, and one count of trafficking.
Can I get an AMEN up in here???
The neighbor who shared all this also related to us that another neighbor has been unable to sell her townhome because, to get to it, you have to pass by Asshat Manor. As of three weeks ago, Asshat Manor had devolved into a Palace of Putrescence. The blinds looked like they’d been put through a garbage compacter then hung by a thread. The patio gate had become unhinged and passersby were treated to the dump crater behind the condo. Saran Wrap and screens flapped in the breeze. Apparently, the inside will most likely need to be gutted – holes in the walls, dog poo everywhere.
The woman trying to sell her townhome called Asshat Sr., a chiropractor and Gage’s daddy who apparently pays a lot of the bills, and asked if he could possibly do something to make the place less scary ghetto crack den and more simply uninhabited. He decline on account of he’s so busy. I suspect he’s busy working to pay for all the havoc his son hath wrought far and wide. BUT, Asshat Sr. allowed our other neighbor to clean up Asshat Manor herself.
The asshat doesn’t fall far from the asshat rack does it?
So she did. They boarded up the broken windows, took down the mangled blinds, touched up the paint on the front of the unit, and secured the patio.
I know you all are wondering about the animal cruelty counts. Gage had at least two dogs in residence at Asshat Manor, which by all accounts, were friendly. His various shady friends and business acquaintances brought various dogs around so it was hard to tell what dog belong to which Thug. When Metro Animal Services came to take the dogs, one of the Screamy Teenagers stepped in to take one of them. Sadly, I don’t know about the other.
The trafficking charge came when police searched Asshat Manor and found nothing, but a buyer arrived and, well, that was that.
Asshat Manor has been a veritable TOMB of silence the last week or so. A TOMB, I tell you.
Now, our only source of neighborly noise is Montel and Cherry next door whose four-year-old daughter (who has a seriously unpronounceable name…it sounds like Tylinquikitamashonda) has developed a habit of playing with her poo, thus invoking the wrath of Cherry. Montel, meanwhile, still has no job and doesn’t do anything around the house, thus invoking the wrath of Cherry.
The walls are thin here. Expect to hear more about them, since I Thug Life is no longer hanging around, being thugish.