Reflecting, or, The Writing Spider Cringes

Where do I start this one? I’ve been meaning to post this for some time, but kept putting it off for whatever reason, and today, thanks to a nudge from the Universe, it’s getting writ.

Lemme ‘splain.

No, there is too much. Lemme sum up.

I’ve mentioned here that I take yoga classes. I “do” yoga. I yog.  About two years ago, I began to take regular weekly classes and do a little at home.  This year, I made a Serious Commitment to my yoga practice which meant going to more classes, getting the book recommended by my teacher, and doing more at home. I want to embrace more of what yoga has to offer than just flexible hamstrings.

Right. Well, more than a year ago, my class got a new teacher, N.

(N, you see this coming, right?)

Now, I’m not going to go point them out to you, but some of my posts here concerning N and her classes were…well…less than flattering. (CUE CRINGE.) We’re going to leave it at that and go on.

Despite not “liking” N, I stuck with the class and started paying more attention to what she had to teach me instead of focusing on her. In time, she learned my name and now knows I have super-hyper-extendy elbows that need to be reined in from time to time. (Seriously, sometimes it looks like my arms are bent the wrong way. Every dance instructor I’ve had points this out so I really should know better.)  I discovered and appreciate her genuine dedication to yoga and her willingness to get in the trenches with students who need adjustments or help. Any demandingness comes from her dedication to yoga, not a desire to dominate or embarrass.

She served me a little slice of humble pie today as we IM’d and she told me she’d read those first posts.

(CUE CRINGE)

She wasn’t angry or upset or bothered. N doesn’t believe you have to “like” your teacher anyway, which I think is true, but like so many things, her class is the first time I considered that.

What I wrote before came from a place of panic. Here’s this new teacher who pushes me, who challenges me. And my reaction was to unleash the poison pen because it was easy. It wasn’t fair of me to criticize her personally, but at the time it was easier than admitting this was just what I needed all along.

I’m not writing this because I got “caught.” Believe me, I’m a recovering Catholic and I’d already guilted myself half to death before today. And I had plans to point N in this direction long before today. But this post is not about N, although I think she’ll get a kick out of it anyway. This post is about standing behind your writing – I wrote those things, and while they were true at the time, they’re not necessarily the same now, and I have to deal with that.  This post is also about me letting myself see the best someone has to offer and gaining a friend in the process.

Today my gift from the Universe was the ability to recognize the change in myself and become aware of the implications of the written word.

Today, let someone change your mind about him, or her. Even for a moment.

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