NaBloPoMo #18 – New Moon, Old Moon, It’s Still Trite Drivel

Seriously, Dear Readers.

I am so very over Twilight, the Twi-hards, Teams Edward and Whatshisface, the cloyingly ironically named Bella, and Robert Pattinson’s grunge hang-up.

Is this what is was like for Harry Potter non-fans? Dude. Sorry. But I am pretty sure I didn’t try to cram the Potterverse DOWN YOUR EVER-LOVING THROAT.

I just have one request. Let me hate Sparkly McVampypants and Lovely McGirl in peace. Please. I didn’t try to convince you that Harry Potter was THE MOST PERFECT LOVE STORY EVERY CREATED. Frankly I’m tired of people questioning why I can’t commit to this brain-dead underwritten overplayed craptastically uncreative and derivative series of writing that can only be described as meritoriously vomitous.

Twilight makes my eyes bleedy.

I like books with the following:

Lots of showing, not telling.

Building of tension in the scenes organically, not repeatedly using the words “tense,” “tension,” and “inhumanly tense.”

Vampires that do not glow, sparkle, glitter, gleam, or otherwise luminesce in any way.

Characters deeper than 2 mm.

Pet words and phrases not repeated until they lose their meaning. (SEE: INHUMAN/LY, TENSE, IMPATIENT)

No overblown Biblical references. (SEE ALSO: SUBTLETY. Meyers has all the subtlety of a T-Rex.)

Clever, witty, and smart characters.

Actual plot.

To sum up, Meyers’ books don’t really fit my bill. Which is fine.

I’ll try not to roll my eyes when you talk about Twilight if you will stop telling me hoooowwww gooooooooood it is.

Thank you and good night.

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