I think I’m stuck. I am having real serious trouble changing my habits. I don’t feel I’m making good use of my time. I’m not getting much done. One thing I hate more than anything is wasting time.
Let me ‘splain.
I’m having to DRAG myself to the gym these days and half the time I talk myself out of it completely. I used to be Ms. Good Gym Going Person – 4 times a week at least. I’m not writing regularly – as you can see here, I haven’t posted in several days.
I get up, I work, I come home, I putter around the house a little, make dinner, catch up on email (because I can’t do it at work since the fascist pigs are watching and blocking anything remotely useful), read, talk to Husband when he gets home, go to bed. Rinse. Repeat. Sometimes I garden. Sometimes I visit with friends. Honestly with gas what it is, I feel like driving around is too much of a luxury right now.
I am overcome with restlessness and unfocus.
I guess I’m getting some things done. The garden looks nice. I get myself to work and stuff. And maybe my problem is the tension between what I WANT to do versus what I think I should be doing versus what I’m afraid to do because I might fail. (Like, write or try to Get Really Buff.)
My overall feeling is that time is running out and if I don’t get in shape/write a book/DO SOMETHING FOR GOD’S SAKE well…I might never get to.