This is not my beautiful job….

I have reached a Very Difficult Point at work. I like the work itself pretty well, I like the pay which is more than I’ve made before in my adult life. But this is not the team I signed up to work with. This is not what I wanted to happen. It is an exercise is dread every morning. In fact, It’s 7:30 am and I haven’t even eaten breakfast or taken a shower. Denial, anyone?

It could be that I’m just having a hard time *right now* and it will get better later. (Oh please God I hope so.) But I’ve been with this group for almost 6 months and it’s not getting better.

My problems stem from my history of enjoying something Work. PEOPLE. I’ve stayed in jobs I’ve outgrown just because I liked the people. I chose my job because of the boss and the group I would be working wth. In November I got moved to another team and it’s a whole new ball of earwax. These women are all friends. They go out together outside of work, they know each other’s business, they’re thick as theives. 

I’m having trouble coping with the fact that I cannot relate to ANY of the rest of the team on a personal level and to some extent, a professional one.  I just can’t afford to go out to dinner three nights a week and spend $75 on expensive eats and drinks at expensive restaurants in their neighborhoods. (Don’t see anybody wanting to eat at that hole-in-the-wall bar in MY hood…)

I spend 8 hours a day literally face to face with these people. (We don’t have offices or cubes…just open desks…in one bunch…like corporate sardines.) I feel that it would be in my best interests to be a TeamPlayer but I can’t connect really. Once I witnessed a 20-minute conversation on how it’s just really important to have someone else clean your house and I realized I’m out of my league. (I clean my own house…in fact, I kind of enjoy it…it makes me feel good in a way. I pay for my mortgage, I might as well take care of the house, right? I can’t say that to them. I get a look like I’ve got lobsters crawling out of my ears.)

It’s exhausting trying to smile and ask people about their new shoes or did they try that new restaurant on Third. You know what I want to talk about? Recycling. Charity work. Art. Books. Making the world a better place for more people than ME ME ME. I want someone to wait until I finish my sentence before they start talking about themselves again. I’m tired of hearing about the new SUV, the addition on the McMansion, and the prep school the kids go to. Yeah, maybe I’m a little green about not being so wealthy, but I want somebody to GET me on some level. And they don’t.

Honestly, it also hurts a lot that this feels frighteningly familiar. This is your average middle school clique on steroids. This is MY middle school clique on steroids. The same girls who were evil in fifth grade have grown up and are still harrassing me on the playground.

Husband has a very hard time with me being upset because he doesn’t understand at all. He says it’s normal to not like work, to not get along with your co-workers, etc etc. He tells me to just go do my job and get over it. Is it wrong to want to connect with one’s co-workers? Is that too much to ask?

I’m not cut out for corporate life.

I found a page online that lists ten things you can do to cope if you hate your job and I think I’m going to read that every day at work. Not publicly, of course. Maybe in the stairwell.


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